Are you sick of Christmas yet? I hope not, because I’m going to recap every single moment of ours!!!
Okay, from the top. Our Christmas. Here I go.
Let me go make a sandwich first. And some coffee. And check Facebook.
HONESTY TIME. It’s a little blah for me to write about Christmas when it’s already done. I’m all antsy. I’m relieved we did it, and we did it well. I’m ready for the New Year, I want to clean out my closets and dump a bunch of crap at Goodwill, I’m thinking about cracking open one of my new novels, I’m sooo ready to focus on regular life again, rather than spend another moment on Christmas.
I mean, I LOVE Christmas, but when I’m done, I’m done.
So why take the time to blog about it?, I keep wondering. I try not to write about stuff that bores me. I have that in writing (post #25), and I’m about to go against my own rule. Maybe that’s my new rule: go against your own rules sometimes. Because we know nothing. Nothing! That is maturity. Young people think they know everything. I am old, and I know nothing. See? I am mature.
BUT Christmas didn’t bore me when it was happening. And I should write about an event that constitutes family history and took up an entire month out of our year, right? Correct me if I’m wrong. (Seriously, do. I’m on the fence here.)
I guess those closets and Goodwill will have to wait. I’m going to do this through captions for the photos. Look at this one:
I’m a Christmas angel!
Sister, why did you get me a FAKE lollipop from the dollar store for Christmas? Mommy, I don’t feel so good. Maybe we need to take Fiona to the doctor when we’re done with presents. It’s actually Christmas Eve morning, so her pediatrician’s office will still be open. We are having our own little celebration, just the four of us, before heading out later to grandparent’s houses. This is not expository dialogue. We just like remind ourselves of what we already know.
Fiona, Mommy said I should have a new I-pod for Christmas, so you get my old one for Christmas. I’ve totally customized it for you, with all of your games and favorite songs and videos. I am an awesome Daddy. You ARE an awesome Daddy!! Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll handle this mess with my new Barney dustbuster. *in Barney voice* CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP, EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE! CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP, EVERYBODY DO YOUR SHARE!
I quickly went downhill after we finished opening presents. Luckily my pediatrician had a 9:30 am opening. No fever or flu or strep throat, but I did throw up in the doctor’s bathroom, and all I want to do is sleep, which is REALLY unusual for me. I don’t even want TV or stocking treats. Constant coughing when I am awake, so I am going to sleep all day, until it’s time to go to Nana’s house for Christmas Eve. But aren’t I sweet? And so quiet and snuggly when I’m sick? And so, so beautiful in sleep?
This is Mother Nature speaking, Julia. See, you didn’t have to worry that there would be no snow this year, due to global warming. Pretty good timing, eh? Other than the fact that your husband has been loading up the car for the past hour and all your presents for the family are getting wet and you have to drive through me to your parents’ house in the dark, and I might make the roads icy, and your daughter, who has been begging my friend God for snow, is too sick to play in it at the moment. But it is Christmas Eve. And I gave you snow. So quit yer whining.
Aren’t they done packing up the car yet? It’s only a 40 minute drive. And we’re only going for two nights. Why is Mommy losing her shit? Don’t worry, she’ll be happy again once we’re in the car. She does this every year on Christmas Eve. Let’s stick together. Hope you feel better, sister. This is a good episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates.
We made it to Nana and Grandpa’s house! Happiness! Joy! For real. Mommy, I feel better after sleeping all day. Mommy, is that you? You look groomed, or something.
We are the lovely place settings that your mother has prepared for your Christmas Eve dinner, Julia. You are not the only mom in the house anymore. You and Dennis made Christmas happen for your kids at home; now your mom and dad are making Christmas happen for you.
I’m going to flip these pages around and see how the music changes when you switch to a new Christmas carol, Grandpa. Yep, I can do that, because I am a classically trained and brilliant musician, and I also know how to make music instantly fun for kids, and I also know how to make a special event like Christmas Eve feel even specialer with music.
We are 33 and 34 years old, respectively, and we are sitting on the stairs on Christmas morning in Julie’s parents’ house with all of her siblings and their spouses while their parents finalize the Christmas preparations in the living room. We are doing this because it is tradition and Julie’s sister Lisa told us to, upon threat of disownment. Also, we are super tired because Fiona coughed all night in our room and didn’t sleep at all, because she’d already slept the entire day before.
I am totally better! I guess it was a 24-hour virus. Yay, Christmas! Also, this photo book by my Aunt Brittany and Uncle Tyler starring myself as a superhero is probably the best thing I’ve ever read.
We are handsome and lovable.
I drew a really long animal made up of different animal parts once, so I got this from my sister-in-law Destinee and brother Ben. It’s pretty great. Side note: I am Julia’s youngest brother Tyler, and this is my new wife Brittany. We are featured in the post “October Wedding No. 3: Tyler and Brittany.”
I am Lisa, sister of Julia, keeper of Christmas traditions, lover of tiny things, possessed of beautiful hands. My love is half the world away, in Australia. But I am still having fun with my family. And am still making sure that we do things exactly the right way. Destinee is hiding behind me because she refuses to be in pictures.
I think I did good this year. My grown children aren’t calling me a failure to my face, for once.
It’s a good thing Fiona is here to help me open my presents while everyone watches. This family is crazy. Taking turns, starting from youngest to oldest? Savoring each present, discussing it, turning it this way and that? It’s already been hours, because I am the oldest of the siblings and their spouses. Well, never a dull moment in this household. Except for when Julie and Lisa made me watch Charlie Brown Christmas last night, like they have every Christmas Eve since I married into this whole situation.
I am holding the present deemed “Best in Show” in the family wrapping contest. This is the second year Destinee has won this award, as well as “Best Wrapping Across the Board.” Previously, Julia and Lisa were the only title holders, in a fierce, cutthroat race. But Destinee has given them a run for their money. They will have to up their game. Last year was a surprise. This year they should’ve been ready.
My dog is way better than mom’s dog. Everyone agrees. This would’ve been a cute family picture if my wife Destinee had agreed to be in it.
Now we’re at Grandma and Grandpa’s house – Daddy’s mommy and daddy! It’s 1:00! This is the third unwrapping of presents I’ve had since yesterday! Weeeeee! I got an American Girl doll! I named her Alissa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Mobily. Or Mobilissa. What’s my new doll’s name, again, Mommy? I love her so much.
Hi, we’re all having an amazing Christmas dinner of turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and rolls, prepared by Dennis’ mom, Jackie. It is Dennis’ favorite food of all time. He likes it even better than treats, which Fiona cannot wrap her head around. After this we will take a nap.
We’re watching the video that Dennis made for Julia for Christmas. It is a montage of the year 2011, edited and set to music. It’s all she asked for from Dennis. She’ll be getting the year 2012 for Mother’s Day. He’s done it before, and is really good at it. We love it, too.
It’s the day after Christmas. We know you are really trying to load up the car to get us home, and all the millions of presents from our generous families are hardly fitting, and our extra clothes are already in the car, and Mom didn’t pack snow gear because she couldn’t deal with it on Christmas Eve, and you guys really just want to get home so you can unpack the car and find places for all the presents and sleep in your own bed without coughing children keeping you awake all night………but what kind of parents would you be if you didn’t let us out there to play in the snow JUST FOR A MINUTE??? I mean, Jack has NEVER PLAYED IN THE SNOW BEFORE. EVER. C’MON.
Okay, that was actually pretty fun to write.
Happy New Year!